I love my kids.
When faced with stress and some personal issues, I cannot believe I harbored and evil thought - remove this accidental #3.
This set me into some kind of low spirits. No, I have yet sunk into depression (at least I thought), I am a rather strong willed person hence I felt depression will leave me alone at least for now.
Deep in my heart, I know I can't bear. Hubby didn't try to talk to me about this after knowing my thoughts, he merely replied my whatsapp saying it is a little to late as baby has formed into human shape and told me not to do things that will make me regret for the whole of my life.
Till today, I still do get a little emotional. Just because he is so busy with work and unable to have a proper chat with me and trying to find out how I am doing in this pregnancy or even how my days are. I began wondering has this got to do with age catching up? I was never like this in my earlier pregnancies.
I can't talk to many people about this. Only when chatting with a few closer girlfriends, I do reveal my thoughts and some emotional struggles. Indeed it is a way to let go of some steam, however it is never enough comparing it to talking to him.
Seeing how stressful he gets from work, I can't bear to load him with more stress. I can only bear all these quietly.
Will he ever know? I really doubt so. It has probably slipped his mind that I used to pen down my thoughts on this cyber space.
Not to worry, I won't remove the baby. I have decided to take on this journey bravely with my baby. A Mom has to be able to protect their offspring and not hurt them.
Bravely I will...set a positive example for my kids.
