Beginning of this year, I see a change in her behavior and sipping in a very negative learning attitude towards her academic work. I got very upset with this fact, and my constant dressing down, drifted us apart.
Things did not improve after M's arrival. With the new bundle, I was too pre-occupied to monitor and guide her through her studies effectively. Instead, the devil overrules and I begun threatening her how I can be nasty if she did not improve her attitude in learning and prove to me that she is putting in effort in her school work; of which I told her is her RESPONSIBILITY.
Of course, there is NO improvement at all after all the threatening. I withdrew all her privileges that I generously showered her with too. This is the worst a Mom can do. I tell you, I walked a wrong path.
Just two days ago, I randomly picked up a book from her bag wanting to see how she has been faring in school. I ended up pulling out of the bed at 10.30pm, ignoring the fact that she has to wake up at 6am the next day. Took out the cane and started lashing at her.
Monster is officially making it's guest appearance again.
I flung her book, hauled at her for failing to let me sign tests that are not very well done etc. She sat there wailing and hiding from the spanks. Both heartbroken, I told her I will visit the school and speak to her teachers the next day.
She kneel and begged me not to do it. She will change for the better. Nothing goes into me. I told her, I want to hear nothing more, I will go to school the next day.
Weeping and wiping away her tears as she went up to the room. Alone in the kitchen, I too, was weeping silently as the heartache is too much to bear.
That night, she cried to sleep. On the other hand, I tossed and turned the whole night.
Hubs sent her to school as usual. I hated the dead peace that morning. Her usual morning greetings, usual hugs and kissing goodbye to her siblings and me were not there. No words exchanged, no glances exchanged. She simply went to school with that cried-swollen eyes.
Picking up my phone, I SMS-ed her form teacher making an appointment with him to talk about E.
"I am very shocked that you need to talk to me about this girl! She is a very respectful, meticulous, diligent, consistent...." and he went on with all the positive description of my Ethyl I knew from birth to 7yo.
Since her problem is not in school, it is home where all these happens, I need to reflect.
Hubby and I had a chat about this. He has always played a more passive role in parenting, however I really needed his presence to render me the moral support as a spouse and a father to our children this time. I need the courage to move on.
This is a very harsh reality to me. My daughter, I was once so proud of her has turned into a monster too.
We brought her out on a coffee session last evening. I had to prompt her to talk. I need to know why she feels unhappy and why she has become defiant, abusive (physical and verbal) with her brother, rude and started lying to get attention.
"I don't know" covered most of her answers in the beginning.
And so I asked "Tell me, do you feel that we always scold you these days?" "yes" She replied.
"Have you wondered why? Did you ask yourself if you did something that is not too right that made us scold you?"
"No"
"Why not? There has to be a reason right?"
Silence.
I know such conversations won't hold too long. I told her how I felt as a mom.
I have always been proud of her being sensible, understanding, appreciative and loving. You name it! I told her from 2012, I no longer know how to feel proud of her. From her latching on for breast milk, to her taking cereals, porridge, solids, diaper-less etc, all these are proud mommy moments. They may be insignificant to many, those are moments I know my daughter is thriving under my care.
Her achievements last year, winning gold medals, attaining the highest English achiever award for her level etc. These are also proud mommy moments. How about this year?
Leaving achievements aside. She said we do not love her as much. I asked her, how does she feel when she did not get enough sleep? She replied she will be cranky and grouchy.
Bento making for her to some friends seems like my hobby. No. I do not really classify that as a hobby. I take that as a Mommy's duty.
I asked her, how many friends who bring lunch boxes gets theirs decorated. NONE!
Already sleep deprived, with a pregnancy that was not too easy, and having to take on graveyard shift for feeding, I still made a point to make her bento for her field trips. Even though it is no longer a daily affair, I still try to make her happy with an occasional bento to make her day brighter.
These are all efforts and love for her. I was terribly heartbroken to hear her telling me she didn't feel the love.
We can't weigh love on a balance. I told her I tried to do as much as I can for all my children. No one has a smaller share. All I want are happy kids. Academic results do matter, but their attitude matters much more. If a piece of work that came back full marks and all I get is a proud arrogant child showing off, I'd be worried. On the other hand, if the child came back telling me he/she has put their best foot forward and will try to do better the next time, and learn from mistakes, I will be so proud of him/her.
After the session, we concluded that we will spend more time with her, she will also do what she ought to do.
18 April 2012, a brand new start for all of us. Three things she needs to do:
1. Change her attitude towards learning and life
2. Be polite towards young and old
3. Take responsibility
I do see her trying to change. So will we. Parenting is really a very challenged journey...no matter how hard, we will have to work things back on track when derailed.
