I made a decision to be firm with Ethyl last evening.
I worked slightly later and went back home to hear complains from the complainants telling me that how rude, how uncooperative my little girl is. Probably it is also the added stress I face at work, I decided to punish her.
Bad as it may seem, I caned her palms for not unpacking her bag after countless reminders, I chided her for calling me and not talking but just spent minutes crying over the other end of the phone. I tell myself, she didn't know what shit I get from work, I shall not vent my anger n stress on her, so things were kept to just her undisciplined routine of leaving her dirty laundry in the school bag, being rude to Mom and Hubby, last but not least talking back rudely when we are trying to talk to her in a peaceful manner.
It broke my heart to see her cry...but I have to do it. It may not be the best way, but I need her to understand, I reward duly when u deserve, and I punish likewise. I can't be accommodating all the time. I need to bring her up well, that is my mission as a mother. If I allow her to indulge in such undesired behaviours, what will she become when she is in her teens?
Nevertheless, we spoke after the punishment is over. I explained to her and listen to her side of explanation too. We kissed and made up. The only reason Mom can't understand is, why I can be a disciplinarian and a doting mother whom she respects at the same time? I also don't have an answer. Probably it is my way to teaching them. I love them tonnes when they behave, I do give small rewards from time to time, I gave in when they behave. Though little boy is still young, he gets smacking from me if he tries to do funny stints. But of course, the smacking is just slightly harder than a pat.
I told Hubby and Mom, if they need to dicipline Ethyl or even Brayden, they can by all means go ahead and explain to them after both parties calmed down, and making sure we allow them a chance to speak up as well. Hubby never liked to use cane, even if he "uses", he "uses" through his mouth.
My role is to play both the good and the bad guy. However I know at this point of time, there are too many disruptions out of home and I really need to watch on Ethyl's behaviour.
Not an easy time, but I am sure she will understand my intentions as time goes by.
3 comments:
I think you have been doing a great job in bringing up the kids, Fannie. I agree it is difficult to be firm and doting at the same time, I am still learning. Though most of the time, I am always the 'bad' guy.
Damien is somewhat closer to the daddy, cos time spend with daddy is always about fun and play. While mummy is always the one 'chasing' after him to complete his homework, assignments..etc etc.. ;)
I can certainly feel you reading your post and till this very day, there are some things I still do not have answers to. for example how I can be both their father and mother and fren at the same time......and till this very day, even after being a mother for 7 years, i am still learning the ropes and growing with my kids. You should be very proud of yourself, you have done very well managing career and family :)
Fannie, yes like what both Eileen and Jan had said, you have done extremely well with your children. Aside your busy work, you never fail to spend all your energy and time with them.... they are so blessed to have you as their mother. Children are always children, they yearn for more when they are given more... don't be too hard on yourself k... I always believe in talking after a correction... it will mend the hurt and always the bond will be stronger... Take care my friend :-)
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