It's a Blessing

It's mixed feelings for me on an early Friday morning.

The loss of 2 pretty girls.

To think that I even thought of doing silly thing to my lil Bud. However, I am glad I only have such thought, never the courage.

I will love my kids with my life. They are my everything!

I will also remember, I am a Mother!

Mom's Dark Side

I love my kids.

When faced with stress and some personal issues, I cannot believe I harbored and evil thought - remove this accidental #3.

This set me into some kind of low spirits. No, I have yet sunk into depression (at least I thought), I am a rather strong willed person hence I felt depression will leave me alone at least for now.

Deep in my heart, I know I can't bear. Hubby didn't try to talk to me about this after knowing my thoughts, he merely replied my whatsapp saying it is a little to late as baby has formed into human shape and told me not to do things that will make me regret for the whole of my life.

Till today, I still do get a little emotional. Just because he is so busy with work and unable to have a proper chat with me and trying to find out how I am doing in this pregnancy or even how my days are. I began wondering has this got to do with age catching up? I was never like this in my earlier pregnancies.

I can't talk to many people about this. Only when chatting with a few closer girlfriends, I do reveal my thoughts and some emotional struggles. Indeed it is a way to let go of some steam, however it is never enough comparing it to talking to him.

Seeing how stressful he gets from work, I can't bear to load him with more stress. I can only bear all these quietly.

Will he ever know? I really doubt so. It has probably slipped his mind that I used to pen down my thoughts on this cyber space.

Not to worry, I won't remove the baby. I have decided to take on this journey bravely with my baby. A Mom has to be able to protect their offspring and not hurt them.

Bravely I will...set a positive example for my kids.

While I am updating, my babies are beside me. One sleeping, the other playing on her new iPhone 4.

No, we are not spoiling her (I sometimes felt we do to some extent, oh well!), she will only have her phone only when we send her for enrichment classes for her convenience to contact us. Other than that, she will share with Brayden and use that as their entertainment box.

I am not in the best shape right now. Mouth with ulcers, a super duper painful throat, I can hardly eat or drink much for the past few days as well. This torture speeds up my dieting process. I really am clueless if I should be happy or sad about this!

All beacuse of the pain, my short getaway was not too much fun for me.

Now, I have some decisions to make and also to plan for the kids. Nothing is going to change much, though it is still not the best decision for the kids, but it will be a good decision for the household. I hope and pray all will turn out well!

Days when I felt too stressed out I tend to write. There are many unhappy things inside my flabby tummy, however I can't rant here. Let's just keep it in my quiet diary for a while and let it fade with time..

What's Up Lately?

Been on a blog hiatus for a while. In less than 3 months, 3 passings in the family, 1 fair and many other small changes.

Next is a trip coming up...albeit a short trip (better than nothing :))

Will start updating again when we are back from trip!

Have a great December ahead!

A Short Etnry

I still have not gotten the time to organize what needs to be posted. My lack of time management skills!

For record, Ethyl's graduation concert took place last Sunday, her orientation is this saturday and seemingly, my Novemeber is filled with too many important activities that I had to let the birthdays of my lil princess and the old boy take a back seat.

Entire focus is left for all other things and I really have to take the celebrations (real) easy this year. I know the gal will be disappointed. I just disappoint her this Tuesday for not passing my driving (oh well!), my heck care attitude for her upcoming birthday is driving her up the walls whenever I told her, cakes are not ordered (cos I have no idea who to order from! and I am particular), what to buy for goody bags, no inspiration to design her cards for her friends etc.

Can someone clone another me?? Someone who can help me handle the matters that I can't do so that my burden can be eased? *Yawns* I am exhausted!

Just for Vents

Come to think of it, it has been a while since I last updated. Not that I have nothing to blog about, I was simply overwhelmed with the fair preparation for my business venture and other personal matters that happens concurrently.

At times like this, I would wish for a voice to render me the support I needed most. His "Are you coping well?", "Do you need to run any errands?", "Please share if you need an extra pair of hands." would be just nice at this point in time. This being said, he shared almost NONE and I even had to repeat (or shall I put it as nag) umpteen times until I raise my voice to get some simple chores done.

Ethyl's P1 registration is happening at the same time. The forms to fill, dates to note...I was filling up the forms the other day and rushing out a proposal at the same time. I passed him ONE form, asked him to fill it up. It was returned to me, as blank as I passed to him. Extremely pissed off, I shouted at him and he retaliated "What do you want me to do?!"

Big sigh...the forms stated CLEARLY he simply needs to help me fill in the student's particulars. Even this, he FAILED to fill in the right columns. I succumb to the unwillingness participation of his role as a Dad.

When I needed help the most, it is always my friends who generously offered their helping hands.

Novemeber is a crazy month for me this year. I badly need the break I deserve in December!\

Happy holidays ahead!!

Looking Forward 2011 - A (Good) Change

Nothing beats the time I get to spend with the kids daily, looking after their well being, from their pee and poo to their ABCs.

The best of both world, quality and quantity timing with my 2 precious shall be changed from next year. Mom will be relinquished from her duties as a full time nanny (already in transition), I shall take over the kitchen, household and every aspect of the household!

As I will also need time for my venture, the decision we make for the kids will be to benefit everyone.

Ethyl is starting her primary school next year, which means more time spent in school. Brayden will be going to a childcare that I will put him there for at least half the day. The rest of the hours will bespent with just the boy before the girl is dismissed from school. This gives us quality bonding time without anyone else, just us.

This arrangement will spare me some time to do my work, handle household chores and cooking.

Additional help will be hired to do the heavy duty chores. This is the best for us for a start. I am so looking forward to being independent and alone at home!

Every Little Thing

I didn't practice due dilligence to update the blog and left it here with dust accumulating cyberly.

After a friend told me, "hey, better start blogging else I do not know what's happening to your lil ones as I don't Facebook in China (they block FB, duh!)"

In fact I have little things that I reminded myself "I will blog"; however, after saying tomorrow after tomorrow,I simply left it there - untouched.

Whenever I look back at what had happened a year or two or even more, I will laugh, tear and get upset. How weird ya? Some happenings that seems so recent, yet I forgot about them! Memories do fail us sometimes.

I must remember to blog about cute little things that Brayden says at this point as he is beginning to get voluble. Every bit counts.

I want to recount what I had done for Ethyl in her preparation to primary school thereafter. Many things around me needs to be recorded. How I wish I can be so dilligent!

Having said that, I shall make it a point to do so here! At least I try *winks*

I'm on a Roller Coaster Ride (again!)

Two days before, I looked at Ethyl's face and watching her with much attention. I know time flies past especially the time when I am basking in motherhood bliss. None-the-less, a part of me do hope the kids to grow up fast, while the other part of me is secretly hoping time would just halt and let me enjoy them longer.

It was like yesterday that I held Ethyl in my arms, nursing her and bonding with her in our room, in our hall of our first matrimonial flat. I loved watching her suckling and satisfied after dining on me and the fulfillment I get to be able to breastfeed her.

Soon, she flipped, crawled, cut her first tooth, took her first steps etc.

The days of her being a toddler, I brought her out shopping alone, dining at different cafes, restaurants and walking along the stretch of Orchard Road while Hubby was busy at work. All these are memorable and meaningful to me. Our first born, garners all the attention and love from me.

As I reminise those days, reality brought me back. I still love her, but the way I show it is slightly different. I am a little more demanding nowadays as I hope to incalcate the right values and mannerism in her everyday life.

Today, as I register her for P1, my heart undergone another tedious round of tension test. As we registered Ethyl, it was so natural that my eyes felt warm. I lost appetite after that.

As I approached the registration room, my heart thuds faster, probably my BP shot up to a new height then. I am anxious, no doubts as there are only 60 seats left for us. But the main reason behind it is because I suddenly couldn't accept the fact that my Ethyl is going to P1 next year.

As much as I wish time would wait, which is impossible; all I had to is simply enjoy her every moment I have. Having her chatting with me, requesting for my hugs and kisses, showing a little jealousy sometimes and smelling her hair whenever she lies next to me!

Yes, I am an emotional Mommy...I know that very well! I just hope the registration doesn't give us a tough time.

Will Share Something Later...

I will be sharing the hurdles and challenges I face when I stop work to start on my online business. Getting started is really no easy feat. Though many details and challenges, I will overcome them and make sure I do my best in everything.

There were times I questioned myself "Why can't you just have a job like the others and be happy earning a few thousands a month...isn't that easier?"

Well, at one point my answer will be "Yes", but then again, I will never be happy if I never really try and fulfill a dream to be a WAHM.

I will soon start a blog to share on the things I have done, hopefully can help spur some friends out there who have thought of starting something small in the worldwide web.

Till then!

More Challenges

Reearching online took up a lot of my time. Working from home s not an easy feat. With the kids around, I need to watch out for them quite a fair bit as they will seek my attention whenever they see my presence.

Not a bad thing afterall. I have thus grown closer to both and really watching them growing and thriving under my nose.

Currently I am working hard on getting my driving licence, and hoping to be able to settle this soon! Don't ask about test date, too early, as I have only had 4 lessons till now because my instructor's schedule is so packed!

Once the licence to vroom is obtained, sending and fetching Ethyl will be so much easier! *pray hard*

The web store I am working on seems to be moving fast and furious! I can't wait to launch the site as I already have orders streaming in and keeping me really excited!

Hopefully everything goes on well...

Every Little Thing

It seems like being a Mom is always challenged by the kids. They are smarter than we thought, they are a lot more adventurous than I am, they are more capable and independent than what I perceived them to be.

As an adult, I have so much to learn from them. From time to time, I will be amazed by their ability to forgive and love. Their unselfish and big heart touched me.

Seeing them growing bit by bit, I can't help but feel that parenting is indeed a great joy and the duos truly taught me to be patient (though I still need lots of improvement in this aspect).

Staying at home, a new challenge; working from home a big leap for me. I am glad people around me (whom I needed most) are supportive and willing to help me.

I have learnt that for kids, there is no such thing called "sacrifice", it is how you manage your priorities and how you are willing to make a change to the lifestyle.

No more big ticket items for me so frequently. Occassionally Hubby will surprise me with one, the latest is a bag that I loved and feels the pinch to get myself. Thanks Dear!

More picture updates soon (I hope!). Till then!

My Plan

Chatting with other Mommies online has been my must-do for the past few weeks. Chatting with different Mommies, get to know more about what makes them do the things they like despite staying at home and looking after the kid(s) and handle a handful of housework.

How interesting things can get when I hear how they juggled with the barely-sufficient 24hrs we all have, yet they can accomplish so many tasks.

I have shared with some close ones around me, I want to be staying at home looking after the kids, be their cook,their chauffeur (working hard on this *winks*), their housekeeper (nice word for maid), their support and their friend. Basically I will be the CMO (denotes: Chief Maid Officer) of our household.

Having said that, I am not happy with just doing what most housewives of my Mom's era are doing. The new age moms should be doing all these and on top of that, able to be financially independent and operate some little business from home.

Some friends around I see they have special skills like cooking, sewing or creative work which I find really impressive. My fingers are far from being nimble, thus highly unlikely that I will be involved in those.

My dateline for myself is tight as the day for Ethyl to start P1 is driving nearer!So, will be working really hard these few months to get my objective met!

Space is Good For Kids

Before havings kids, I prefer to have a smaller house, as small as possibe.

However, after Ethyl, and when Brayden arrived, I realised something missing from our house - SPACE.

The lack of space for the little one torun around and have fun! Not to mentioned,there is also little space to hide.

At our new place, they have they own play area, can run here and there, hide upstairs and downstairs. Though tiring looking after them with the additonal space now, I am counting my blessing.

Here I have a pair of cheerful kids.




At the balcony area, their dining cum play corner *smiles*

Ma-Yee?

This is how little boy is calling me right now and we all think this is really cute.

He knows we find the way he says it amusing and has been saying it on purpose. Well, I do like to hear him call me "Mommy" or "Ma-yee" *beams*

With Glee

I couldn’t contain my excitement! Office is closed on the CNY week, and I get to tend to my 2 sugarcoated babies and let Mom take a break!

I will wake up and prepare their breakfast, run home to prepare lunch, fetch them back from school, and at noon, either we laze at home (if I am too tired), else we may go out and have some fun!

That shall be my short-lived lifestyle as a SAHM. Am so looking forward to preparing things for them…I hope they don’t make me pull off too much of my hair!

Time for a Smile

A simple pleasure that never fails to bring a grin on my face is to see my little ones running towards me whenever I reach home after work!

Little boy and little girl will race to me, and if the little boy touches me first, he’ll look down as Ethyl is taller, I will tend to kiss her first. After that, I will see the dejected look on Brayden’s face and I will hug and kiss him. Such simple actions from me is good enough to bring that happiness back on his chubby face.

What more can I ask for? Though marriage had been on the rock just weeks before, things seemed to have calmed down after we kinda chatted and sorted.

Happiness is something so transient. Seems so near, yet so far…I can’t really seem to embrace it.

Maybe I should see things in a different light so that I will be happier. Each of us has our expectations that we both can’t match up, but we are willing to accommodate.

I still love to see his bleary look when I wake him up in the mornings, love the way he hugs me before we turn in and enjoys looking at him driving. The perspective needs to be changed. I shall focus on those that I enjoy doing with him and put aside those that haunt me and kept us apart. Definitely not easy, but we are both trying.

I shall update some of the kiddos’ pictures IF I am free over the weekends. Else I will receive complains again for the lag in updating.

It's Been A While...

Indeed, I have stopped blogging for a while. I shall use no excuse this time, plain laziness and my wish for more time with the kids took me away from the pc (and oh! FB took my time too!).

Well, we celebrated Ethyl's 5th birthday (pictures coming soon), Hubby's 34th (no pictures) and now, next Monday will be brother-in-law's wedding.

Things were pretty well. Time is never enough for us all! Let me sort out what I wanted to write and we shall be back here soon! Till then!

Updates

Family Time

This has greatly compromised over the few weeks while planning for the joint venture (more will be divulged later), children were neglected, I saw the changes in the way Ethyl treats learning and decided that I should fine-tune our schedule a little bit.

I need to do up a new timetable. The old one was good, but not good enough and Ethyl is not really following the activities as planned.

Brayden needs to learn too! Hubby shall be part of the timetable and we take turns to coach the kids. I believe this will be more effective.

Joint venture

This was halted after I saw how the kids were neglected due to my new engagement. I left my business partner to go ahead with the business while I pulled out. Too time consuming for now especially when work is catching up a great deal. We need to participate in fairs, fly over to select the stuff and all…basically my weekends will be burnt.

It is a real pity…having said that, Hubby and I decided to do something on our own free time. We are still at the initial planning stage (it was discussed just last night), hopefully I can come up with something really soon to catch the festive like Christmas and all.

Cupcakes Decorations

Finally had a chance to go for a class that I had been wanting to have a try!

My Messy Grass patch


Christmas Swirl for Ethyl


The Sweet Patch For Ethyl too!


Stars and Hearts for Hubby


Really enjoyed the class! Will find a chance to go for another class soon!