So When?

It's like a very common question everyone who sees my elephantine physique will ask.

As much as I'd love to share a date with all, I can't as this is dependent on lil Missy.

The last check up with our OBGYN reveals my scar is dihiscing, hence the discomfort and pain that bothers me so much.

Currently at 34 weeks of gestatation, I am challenged with plenty of aches, pains and soreness. The one that disturbs me most is the tenderness felt at the old scar. From the sonogram yesterday, it seems like the lining is now very thin. We are trying to hold Missy in as long as we can (at most probably 2 weeks) or when she reaches at least 2300g to 2500g (i.e. if I can hold her in this long).

The whole household is full of anticipation for lil Missy's arrival. Their excitement somehow affects me quite a fair bit.

back to the favourite question, "When will it be?"

Mom's Dark Side

I love my kids.

When faced with stress and some personal issues, I cannot believe I harbored and evil thought - remove this accidental #3.

This set me into some kind of low spirits. No, I have yet sunk into depression (at least I thought), I am a rather strong willed person hence I felt depression will leave me alone at least for now.

Deep in my heart, I know I can't bear. Hubby didn't try to talk to me about this after knowing my thoughts, he merely replied my whatsapp saying it is a little to late as baby has formed into human shape and told me not to do things that will make me regret for the whole of my life.

Till today, I still do get a little emotional. Just because he is so busy with work and unable to have a proper chat with me and trying to find out how I am doing in this pregnancy or even how my days are. I began wondering has this got to do with age catching up? I was never like this in my earlier pregnancies.

I can't talk to many people about this. Only when chatting with a few closer girlfriends, I do reveal my thoughts and some emotional struggles. Indeed it is a way to let go of some steam, however it is never enough comparing it to talking to him.

Seeing how stressful he gets from work, I can't bear to load him with more stress. I can only bear all these quietly.

Will he ever know? I really doubt so. It has probably slipped his mind that I used to pen down my thoughts on this cyber space.

Not to worry, I won't remove the baby. I have decided to take on this journey bravely with my baby. A Mom has to be able to protect their offspring and not hurt them.

Bravely I will...set a positive example for my kids.

The Kids Simply Amuses Me

I am seldom right about judging my boy. He, is a loving boy, yet very temperamental. One thing I never expect from him, is his readiness to show his love for the lil Bud. To him, I believe "baby" is something that exists in my tummy, out of his imagination how Bud will look like except the general concept and impression of the baby posters he has been seeing out in the malls (if there is).

Ethyl as usual, is the loving sister who hugs and kisses my stretch-marked-disfigured tummy and "chats" with the lil Bud on whatever that comes to her mind.

Brayden on the other hand, is very generous with his hugs and kisses when I thought he will be more reserved in this area. Indeed he is reserved with his words. Ethyl can tell a LONG story to my tum, yet Brayden will only says, "Good Baby, kor kor loves you!"

Lately there has been little fluttering in my tum, I deduced it is Bud who is performing some kungfu fighting in wombsville. How sweet to have such feeling all over again!

As I was immersing in the attention given to me by Hubs and the kids, I was pleased to hear the siblings discussing on how to share the load and help look after Bud when she arrives.

E said "Didi, you help Mommy feed baby one week, I take over the next week ok?"

B obligingly "Ok. So I feed baby milk? I use my milk bottle and feed baby milk?"

E trying to explain "No, Mommy will buy new bottle for baby. You feed baby using the new bottle ok?"

B a lil confused "So baby don't drink breast milk and drink Brayden's milk? I share my milk?"

E kinda-frustrated "Listen, Mommy will give baby breast milk, you just sayang baby when baby drink milk ok? I will feed."

B innocently "I also want to drink breast milk. I give baby my milk ok? Can share one you know?"

E gave up "When baby come out then I tell you again! You don't understand me!"

I sat on the bed, laughing at both...

Hello to Buddie

Our OBGYN appointment was last Saturday. It was really early that we woke the kids up (even earlier than their usual schooling hours), prepared them, and rushed off to our appointment.

E has some idea of what she can expect based on the vague memories she had when I was carrying B. B, on the other hand was completely clueless of what to expect besides knowing that we were there to "see baby".



These are the scans of the fetus (Left: 13 Aug Right: 26 Jul). Without knowing what exactly that is, EB were so excited and echoed "so cute!" when my OBGYN were explaining what they were seeing and hearing (heartbeat).

Curious children, with a very nice loving Doctor who explained the growing limbs, the womb and many other things to them very patiently. I spy Hub smiling at the corner showing his happiness to see our accidental Bud.

Part of record, this is the little stick that confirms Bud's existence.

Talk Nineteen to a Dozen

Counting down is exciting, waiting is exasperating! Oh my...I am 2 days away from my D-day!

Ann was with me for the check up yesterday, as she needs to do her follow-up. We teased Mom after our checks and she told Mom that I am on my way to the hospital. Mom was excited and within minutes, Ann received another call from Gina. Oh, she too thought I am on my way to deliver Brayden! *laughs*

We cleared up the air before more people gets the wrong message. We are just so cheeky despite our age!

Told Hubby about the decision to csec on Monday, he's quite funny..."can you confirm? I need to apply for leave.". I said, in any case Brayden decided to come out earlier, how to confirm? Funny man...

He came back and said he had applied for leave. I asked how many days, and guess what he said? He said "ONE day". I was pretty disappointed...I thought he'd apply for the week. Guess he sensed my disappointment...he quickly said, he'd apply for a week after I am discharged so that he could maximise his "usage" when we are back at home. Alright...I take that!

On the other hand, our little girl is also excited. I can see she'll love the brother. What makes me say so? Mom passed Lleroy a rattle to entertain him while we are having dinner, she actually wanted to take it back. It's not her usual self...she usually shares. When asked, her reason was..."I want to take back for Brayden." *sweet*

I explained, even if it's for Brayden, he can also share...she then walked up to Lleroy and entertained him. I hope they can love each other and have a cordial relationship.

My mind has wondered again...how will he look like? Who will he look like? Will he be like Ethyl? Will Ethyl be able to get used to having another sibling around? Can I manage? Will I find the extra capacity to love a new addition in our lives like how I loved Ethyl? Oh...all these will slowly unveil...

Can you sense my excitement? It's 3.32am and I am still not sleeping! Quite unusual as I am not a late owl.

See You On 28 April!!!

Back from my check up, and little boy is still not in the best position.

Complained to gynae about the pain I encountered and he is worried about the tenderness of my scar, and if I insist on natural, I'd be risking our lives if uterine ruptures. Of course I do not risk! I have a cutie girl, and a family back at home...why take the risk?

Anyways, gynae mentioned if I want to deliver today, I can admit myself and he'll perform the cut for me. I have decided to go on Monday if my water bag didn't break, nor do I have any show and didn't progress into labour.

Oh my boy! We are all so excited waiting for your arrival!

Delighted...

I lost sleep again...sigh....

It's not an entirely bad thing, at least at this time, I know I am overwhelmed by excitement, though there were some details that I need to digest after seeing my gynae yesterday.

Stepping on the weighing scale has been tough these days, worrying that increasing appetite will pile my weight more and making it difficult for me to shed off the extras. This time, I lost weight. Probably it is due to the diet that I am adhering to. The lower sugar intake, lower carbo intake helps I guess.

Fortunately my little guy is gaining weight. *smiles* He is now approximately 2.78kg, gynae commented he should be more than 3kg at birth. A good weight. Ethyl was 3.065kg at birth, I thought our little one may weigh slightly more than his sister at birth.

Next, I will be deliverying in less than 2 weeks' time! Next week, gynae will perform a cervical check, plus a culture test. If everything is fine, and my cervix shows signs of readiness, at most he'll wait till 38 weeks and he'll induce me. I know, inducing is more painful....but what to do?

Having said that, it also depends on little guy. Yesterday, he decided to turn upwards facing the sky, which is not a good position for both of us if I were to deliver him naturally. It'll be a strain on both of us. So, I do pray that he'll be good, and go back to a good position if he wishes to be delivered naturally.

I am opened to both natural and c-sec. To me, our well-being is far more vital than the birthing process. I do not want to add on any risks, as I know I have a family, I shouldn't be too stubborn on certain things. Man proposes, heaven disposes.

Oh, almost missed out...this cheeky boy is really funny! During my routine scan, gynae mentioned that why don't we confirm his gender one more time before he arrives, he quickly opened his legs a little, exposing his masculine proof to us. *laughs*

He must be trying to tell his Mommy that he is a boy! Why? I have been buying online, and couldn't resist...I always clicked on to the baby girls' stuff and secretly hoping he is a girl so that I can buy more nice clothes. When I told Hubby about it, he says that's too cute! I agree!

Now, two weeks passes very fast. If my check up next week does not favour natural, I will request my gynae to perform c-sec on 28 april. Now, how does he looks like? I really wish to know too!

Sorting Out

Some shopping needs to be done.

Initial plan was to buy a wardrobe for the kids, as Ethyl's existing one is overflowing and her clothes are in our also overflowed wardrobe, we thought we could get a big one for the siblings to share. Since we plan to move, and it will be pretty soon I hope, we'll just get a chest of drawers to accomodate our addition's clothings for the time being.

Boys clothes are pretty limited, but it does not apply to infant (boys)! I have been shopping online for him, and his loots had arrived! I am now busy washing and hanging them dry. Having said that, when I shop, I also pop by the girl's clothes and in the end, Ethyl gets more than the baby! *opps*

Everything is more or less intact. Hubby will set up the baby cot (from Ethyl's time) when he's free. I need to dish out the bumper sets...wonder which corner are they now? Been telling Ethyl when baby's home, she'll sleep with baby in the other room, and she had to help look after the little one. She is so excited about it! But of course, we got a baby monitor as well, so that we can somehow monitor the 2 kiddos in the next room.

I didn't get a new breast pump as Ann who used mine for awhile says mine was easier to use. Am planning to get Avent ISIS iQ DUO for myself, but will see how as I am not certain if I can make good use of it if I started working.

Simply can't wait for his arrival! Been having Braxton Hicks contractions for 2 days, irregular tightening and severe pelvic pain...Hubby says little guy can't wait to see us, Ethyl told me she wants to see her cute brother, Mom says at most I will hang on for another 3 weeks, Ann can't wait to see the li' nephew as well....

How about me? The Mommy can't wait to offload the bump that hinders my movements and affects my mobility!

Till now, I am excited and uncertain. Hubby doesn't seem very encouraging on my plan for virginal birth. He has his reasons for worrying about my back, been seriously warning me to rest more after my birth and eat well to build up my body as I didn't rest well and eat well when I gave birth to Ethyl. I suffer the consequences, I try to do it well this time. However, easier said than done. I have a tot, plus a newborn, plus my piggy nephew...how to rest? If I rest, Mom will definitely tire out.

Hmm...now, the next important thing I need to do is to seriously think of what I wanted for my birthday, and Hubby promised me a pressie for giving him 2 beautiful babies...what shall I get from him?

Heart Aches

I am required to do a blood test 2 hours after my meals. Yesterday's readings were good, below the mark my gunae told me. How encouraging!

Well, Ethyl saw how I did my hand prick, and saw the blood ooze out a little, she was worried. She almost teared...

Yesterday on the cab, she suddenly said "Mommy, you cannot eat sweet things ok? You do the "injection", my heart so pain...is it painful?"

Last night, after my test, she held my finger and gave it a kiss. "Poor thing...must be so painful right?".

I hope I did not scare her...Been trying to do this behind her so that she will not be so affected by this blood test thingy.

Some Last Preparations

One of my loot while shopping online! Baby Bjorn Synergy in white. Wanted to get this during Ethyl's time, but then, everything is working on a tighter pocket, thus I gave this a miss. Now, I got this for our second bundle!

Going to get Pliko 3 as planned. The carrier will come in handy when Ethyl needs the stroller to sleep on, or even when she's plain lazy to walk. Carrying a baby is easier than carrying a tot isn't it? *smiles*

The last stage of preparations...I have not gotten my house slippers, more PJs, medical herbs meant for bathing etc. Mom is helping me to buy baby clothes meant for daily wear. She simply enjoys doing it! She brought Ethyl out with her sis, my aunt, who is also expecting her 3rd grandbaby (girl) this month. The 2 excited grands were telling each other what they should get and what they do not have! Haha...

Now I am waiting for the rompers and jumpers I got for Brayden from GAP to arrive. If you could sense it, I am getting excited to hold him in my arms. Who says I am not excited on the boy's arrivel? Who said I favour girls to boys? Just that the excitement came in later this round.

The excitement of being able to perform virginal delivery also gives me more "work". My 2 over kg little guy is getting bigger, causing my pelvic region to ache and numb whenever I move around. Fatigue has begun to creep in, feeling tired most times, especially when the weather's so humid, it makes me perspire more and need the fan to blow onto my face all the time!

As fo myself, I will be going to do some grooming before I pop. Since natural birth may be my option, I told Hubby I will go and do a brazillian wax. He was worried about how safe this will be, I assured him, it'll just be the normal routine I did before preggy. Need to "clean up" a little...I do not want the nurses to shave for me when I am admitted.

Next, still on hair...my hair trimmed, my eyebrows shaped and get the needs shaven and cleaned! I just do not want to look sloppy during confinement. He shook his head when I told him these...to him, he just wanted me to rest more and do lesser on such. Hmm...we are both really different!

Been wanting to do a pedicure, but I guess most likely I will do it after confinement. Wow...what are the to-do-list for Ethyl? I have settled her school fees, bus fees, her fringe trimmed, prepared her on what is needed etc. I guess she is just waiting for her sibling to be out and cuddle him. Oh, did I mention she's been practising on how to carry a baby? She's simply too adorable. *beams*

The Good and Bad

Today's visit to the gynae was like sitting on a roller coaster ride. Firstly, I did my regular check up and was told the placenta MOVED UP!!! Oh, what good news was that! I was told I may opt for natural delivery! My appointment in 2 weeks will confirm more details.

Next, my sweet tooth has to come to a halt! I was diagnosed with GD (gestational diabetes). Hubby stopped me from all my sweet cravings. Cakes, sweet drinks, ice-cream, chocolates and many more sinful things! This pregnancy itself, I love to eat rice. Lotsa rice for me especially dinner time. My appetite finally got better for the last 2 weeks, but now, I need to re-adjust my diet to a low-carbo one instead.

For health's sake, I will do as told. Oh...I miss my milkshakes, ice-creams and my chocolates!!!

Will He Look Like That?

When I was pregnant with Ethyl, I was very excited. Always thinking how she'd look like, hoping she'd look more like me etc. Hubby and I talked over countless nights that we hope she had beautiful eyes, a nice sharp nose, beautiful complexion etc.

Though we had a very nice picture and it turned out that she looks neither of our imagination, she is still a perfect darling in our eyes.

Now, I dreamt of Brayden last night. He is a fair baby, rosy like Ethyl. His crown of glory was black and glossy, thick and neat. His eyes were bright with double lids. Nose...hmm...I can't remember. But his hair and eyes captivated me.

Will he look like that? I was woken and told Hubby excitedly about my dream. Well, he has been asking me if Brayden will look like him...I am clueless, but for sure, the little guy in my dream look not even a little like him! Haha!

He doesn't look like Ethyl nor me either. He is just him...a look of himself, and he is a happy baby in my dream. Always smiling and brings joy around. Another 4 weeks for me...Now, I am really eager to see how he looks like!

Nasi Lemak

When it reaches 9pm, I would be craving for nasi lemak and fried drumstick! ARGH!!! It's been more than 3 days of craving already!!! And the particular stall is the famous stall at Tanjong Pagar...

Didn't tell Hubby, but I guess little guy is getting too good an appetite lately...but I can't really eat as he has been growing well, and makes me feels uncomfy when sitting down.

Buying for Brayden

Mom just showed me what she had gotten this morning. She bought more than a dozen of clothes for her soon-to-be-born grandbaby. A dozen? Maybe more than that...she showed me quite a bit, some were for the chubby piggy nephew, some were for Brayden. They are all in white, a very clean colour for NB.

I was not forgotten, she bought red dates, black dates, wolfberry, black fungus and many others that I do not know what they were. Those were meant for me to consume during confinement. Oh my...Mom is starting to prepare for so many things, whereas I am sitting at home, thinking of my lunch appointment with my friends next week, and of course, my appointment with my gynae (which is also coming next week).

My hospital was not packed. Hubby has been nagging at me to start my packing. Am just too lazy and felt that it was too early. I have not gotten enough PJs to tide me through, I have not gotten my maternity disposable undies, I have yet to go through my list and see what needs to be packed in the bag.

I have gotten 10 boxes of breast pads during the Taka baby fair. Got whatever that needs to be bought for Brayden. Now, Brayden should have enough clothes for the time being. I shall shop for more on my lunch trip next week with my friends. Wondering if GAP has got any nice stocks that came in for boys, and also girls. How can I not buy for Ethyl?!

Having a NB will make us real busy...but I believe we will love having another little being around.

Seahorse, Cheeky "Fish" and Sensibility

This is a...SEAHORSE! Ethyl drew this last week. I thought it looks pretty close to seahorse too! It was actually my third guess that I got it correct. I thought it was a dino...Ethyl laughed and said, "No! Not a dinosaur.". Yes, seahorse does come to my mind.

See this cheeky babe...she is pretending to be a fish...I really love her so much, and she is sooo adorable!

I have been trying to explain to Ethyl that I will be going for csec to bring Brayden out. She is so concerned. Kept asking if the doc will give me injections, will I be put on drip etc...

Told her I will if I were to go for ops, her eyes went red and moist, saying she do not want doc to inject me, don't want them to put drip on me and almost teared. Aww...so sweet of her. I was really touched.

I will miss her much during my days in hospital for sure...