Triple Heartache!

Even till now, when I am alone, the scenes of what has happened yesterday would be flashing back in my mind. The cries, screams, the different types of pain we both went through is too traumatising for me, and all the more for him.

Brayden was supposed to remove his sutures yesterday and since Hubby was unable to take leave, I thought since it’s something so minor, I took leave and brought Brayden their alone.

The nurses were happy to see us. A cheerful baby and he seemed to be getting all the attention from the aunties there.

One of the nurses helped us to the treatment room and applied numbing cream for him. Not too long later, I realised there were liquid that looks like blood that flows out of his wound. I quickly alerted the nurse and she cleaned up the wound for son.

She told me that this is discharge. There could have been some pus in there and when she pressed against it, the pus just flow out.

Not too long later, Dr Tang came out and met us in the treatment room to remove son’s sutures. I am proud of my son. He knew when to sop moving and cooperate with Dr Tang when he is trying to remove the sutures and sat quietly on my lap.

After the sutures were removed, the discharge flew out again. Gently, Dr Tang pressed against the wound and allowed the liquid to flow out while explaining to me. I was listening to Dr Tang and didn’t notice the wound until little one let out a sharp shriek! Gosh…the wound opened up!

My mind was in a whirl. I saw how badly he was struggling and all of us didn’t anticipate that such a thing would happen.

Dr Tang and the nurses held onto son while I was still carrying him. This time he was really struggling and screaming. I couldn’t help but just sat there, trying to calm my baby and at the same time, trying to put on a brave front.

Dr used the chemical to clean his exposed wound. OUCH!!!! I was traumatised to see the wound and this is the very first time I saw him screaming so badly. Dr tried to use secondary healing method on him so that we need not stitch back the wound and need not sedate him. The whole process was too painful to bear! Dr stuffed the gauze into his wound and son was struggling and shrieking at the top of his lungs. Dr stopped and said this is going to be too painful for him. He said it is better to sedate him, and stitch up his wound again. This time, it will be a day surgery.

Dr Tang was unable to get a slot for the OT at Mount E, and suggested we go back to Mount A to do this. I was equally traumatised and didn’t want to travel all the way to Mount A, told him to do it at my company’s day surgery centre. He quickly made the arrangements and I quickly called the people I know in the centre and settled in a slot.
We had to wait till 3.30pm for the surgery because son had his milk before removing the sutures. So I brought him back to office and chat with my colleagues. They played with him and he enjoyed being there.

When time was almost up, I brought him to the day surgery centre and he seemed to know what was happening and he begun to cry uncontrollably in the centre. The nurses there gave him toys and tried to coax him but to no avail.

Finally the Drs arrived and quickly we settled in. I changed to the gown and followed them into the OT. I didn’t stay though Dr Tang says it is alright for him if I want to witness the process. I rejected because I knew I would be too traumatised to see what is going to happen inside the theatre.

My colleagues there were nice. Though it is a short procedure, they updated me very frequently and my boss came and accompanied me too. I was still trying to hold back my tears.

A procedure that was less than 30 minutes, I get updates from them more than 5 times. I really appreciate their concern.

I was back in OT after the stitching was done. He was still sedated and I saw the newly stitched wound that no longer needs to be removed as they used a better quality absorbable stitch that plastic surgeons like to use.

I quickly made his milk when one of the SSN came telling me that they were almost done. I knew he would be so hungry after fasting for 4 hours and spent about 30 minutes in the procedure.

Dr Tang kept asking me if I was ok and called Hubby in the OT after the procedure was done. He even kissed Brayden before leaving. He is really a nice Dr.

They arranged for me a private recovery room. I did not understand why son was still crying so badly and asked if it’s because the wound hurts. Tried giving him calpol to relieve the pain, but he simply wouldn’t cooperate with me.

During the wrestle, the meds was spilled on the gown that I was wearing. I quickly removed it and guess what, Brayden stopped crying and was resting on me and fell asleep! Now I know why he cried even when the nurses were out of our sight!

Hubby came just minutes before we can leave. We quickly settled whatever is needed and went back home.

When Brayden woke up in the car, he was smiling at me. He even made funny faces and made me laugh. However, I couldn’t laugh. I cried instead. I hugged him close to me and kissed him hard. I was feeling so lousy as I could do nothing to ease him from all these sufferings.

Ethyl heard me telling them about what we went through, came to me and said, "Mommy, come and touch my heart...can you feel? My heart dropped! Poor didi..."

Sigh...I hope the whole saga is over and this traumatising experience will end here.

I guess I was as badly affected. I would be crying whenever I think about what I saw yesterday. I was crying on the bus to work this morning, was crying when I was sitting in the office alone...cried again when I was trying to put this post up and cried again whenever I am alone.

Brayden did sleep well, though he was also crying in between his sleep and we all know that he was very affected.

Son, we love you! All will be over soon! Speedy recovery!