Ta Ta...

I will be away from this blog due to some personal reasons.

Thank you for being with us during this period.

Take care!

Random

I know schooling does not mean going to various enrichments and tutions besides regular school hours.

Acquiring knowledge should bee fun. Its a self reminder that I should not pack the children's childhood with various academic classes.

Enjoying their childhood is the objective that I am spending more time with them guiding and coaching them.

Decisions...

Many were shocked to know I am going to embark in a new career, and at the same time, I will be managing my 3 imps without help.

I smell challenge coming my way, albeit Hubs and I decided this is an ideal arrangement at least for now), as it is just as important to us to have more parental involvement in our children's growing years.

Letting go of my Mom's help after so many years may sound like an impulse decision we had made. Trust me, many things went through, a lot of emotional exchanges and exasperation that I (or probably we, Mom may feel the same too!) went through is quite a toil.

"Can you manage alone?"

This question was posted to me many times. In her words to a few relatives and dear Papa, I am selfish. Let it be. I know jolly well how unhappy I was for many months that made up as a few years. I have Hubs' understanding in this matter. This is most important isn't it?

Decision was shaken once, I was furious upon knowing what was told to others. I silently bear with it, swallowing my tears. I can't tell anyone. Not even the dearest that sleeps next to me.

Since the chance arises for a change, there is little reason I should let the opportunity slip by.

I appreciate what was done when her aid was around, I really do. Sane or strain, I have to make a choice. I decided to stay sane by straining a lil.

Why are we turning things this way? I guess the lack of parental involvement in my early years carve an impact. This impact, affects me so much so that it cannot be mended no matter how hard I tried.

Our Soccer Fans!

Papa is into England and Manchester United. There are some other teams he supported. Look at his lil ones!

Ain't they looking cool?

On phones!

Hubby enjoys shopping. There are even more reasons to go to the malls in this sweltering heat.

Plaza Singapura is not a place we frequent. For several reasons and parking is one of them. It's simply too crowded on weekends, the carpark I mean.

The man wanted to pop over today as they have a Samsung roadshow by one of the red telco. You may have guessed, it's for the latest Samsung Galaxy SIII.

The telco arranged for a magic show performance and it fascinated the children.

I ain't kissing goodbye to my iPhone, yet. I fell in love with the the aesthetic of this phone. Lighter, bigger screen, superior camera functions...blah blah blah!

One thing we both enjoyed is to have our 3 lil imps in tow.

I am looking forward to using my new toy! Can't wait! Simply can't wait!

Dreams...

Like I mentioned in the earlier post, we had a change of plan, hopefully for the better for both the family and the children.

I did some explaining to E, sharing with her about the change, and what can be expected.

Least expected from her was when she replied, "Don't give up your dreams. You are still young. Do things you think it's best for yourself. Don't always give up your dreams for us, Mom."

Tears welled up when I heard these from my firstborn. Ain't she growing up so fast?

Indeed I may be giving up some of my dreams, what I had aspired to do and aspired to be when I was younger. No, I do not have regrets. For children will only be this young once, soon, they will no longer need me!

On our way to Bugis, I explained to her the need to make such a change. On our way back, I explained to her it was not entirely a sacrifice.

Life isn't smooth sailing as we would love it'd be.

This change may be for the better. The well being of the children is much more of a priority compared to anything else at this phase of parenthood.

Here's us. We took the MRT out instead of driving today!

That Step

It took me such a long time to take this step.

The agony, the emotional burden and the feelings of others. I am thankful for the twist of events that steered me forward to this day when I finally spoke up for the better of us.

No bad feelings (just some weird facial reactions), it was a calm transpiration.

Somehow, I am really looking forward to this fresh start. I need positive vibes around. No baggage, no ill feelings. Just a peaceful life I'd been yearning for.

Good luck to us!

Middle Child Syndrome?

Before M was born, many friends around us would highlight to us to watch out for B's change in behavior and emotional needs. Simpy put, they meant Middle Child Syndrome.

As usual, the worrywart me went scouring through the web trying to figure out the signs and syndromes; coupled with a few suggestions those online experts may suggest to help the middle child overcome this phase. In my mind, I always wonder - will this MCS eventually fade away with age?

Nearing the middle stage of my second trimester, B suddenly refused to go to school. He would be clinging, and tugging me whenever I sent him to school Why so? I always ponder. He used to love school so much!

Such behavior didn't last long. I credit that to my consistent show of love and assurance to B, with the aid of the school teachers who are so encouraging and explained to the class on what to expect when you have a new sibling.

The centre supervisor as well as the teacher updated me consistently on B's reactions on the new sibling topic. I count my blessings on this.

M came soon after. I had already prepared EB (well, E was able to understand better than she did 4 years ago this time), what to expect and that I will be away for that few days after M's arrival.

Everything went on smoothly for us. I am thankful for the sensible children I am blessed with.

Even though it was a smooth journey for the past 4 months (and counting), I will constantly remind myself and hubs that we need to show a lil more for our only son. At the same time, we shan't neglect the girls in any way.

Tough job huh? This is part of the challenge in parenting!

Safari @ Changi

Terminal 3 is such a familiar hideout for us.

Just last Saturday, we went there with the kids for dinner. At the same time, to drain out that excess energy they have in them.

Weekends at T3 is really crowded, besides those who are traveling or returning, there are also shoppers and diners like us.

They have been holding some events for children whenever it's the school break. This time, they had a Safari @ Changi.

With animal rides and a play-gym kind of playground. This doesn't come free of course, you will have to spend $20 ($15 for us, the Changi rewards card holder) at the retail outlets and redeem the passes for entry.

For those who planned to go, do bear in mind it's really crowded on weekends and you will have to exchange the passes earlier. The last slot for play is at 9.40pm.

What is important is not the money spent. We need to have our dinner there anyway. What matters more is the children enjoying themselves.

Moments...

With E...

In a stage where we call tween, this firstborn of ours is really a gem despite the monstrous moments wrapped under that dainty-looking skin.

Mid year results were released 1 day prior to term break. It was like a moment more exasperating than I was receiving my own report book eons ago! I remembered acting cool while E hopped on the car. I (still trying to act nonchalant) asked,

"So, how was school today?"

E: "Great! Mom, I got back my portfolio....(and she rattled on)..."

I was still trying to act cool.

"So, it's just your portfolio and all the DVD that records your presentation that you managed to score full marks?"

E: "(continued ranting on...)....Mom, there is also my report book."

FINALLY! That is the thing I was trying to find out.

"Oh?! So, how do you think of your results? Are they acceptable to you? (C'mon, I mean GRADES!)

E: "I think you may be disappointed."

Suddenly, the 2 minutes drive home seems too long! I probably looked flustered.

E: "Mom, are you alright?"

Me: "Baby, what makes you think I will be disappointed with your grades? Are they very bad? You didn't do too badly for your tests."

E: "I think I have 2 band 2." 

Parking the car took me 4 tries that day. I simply couldn't park it well no matter how hard I tried.

Quickly pulled the car, and E showed me her report book. My heart is thumping unusually fast in my mouth!

Me: "Hmm...Baby, you get all Band 1! And all in the 90s range. What Band 2 are you talking about??"

I can see her eyes lit up! 

She confessed that she did not really go through her scores in the report book. All she did was flip through and kept it back in her bag.

Yes, grades are important to a certain extent. Afterall, we are in a society that looks at numbers and alphabets. What I always emphasize besides grades is their attitude towards learning. That will see them through their lifetime, while better grades probably put them in a better ground when they begin their career.

She hopes to join the best class, i.e. 3A next year. I will be around to render my utmost support to help her fulfill her needs.

Around B...

My ever so cheerful boy! 

This boy melts my heart, always! He is always singing his love, saying the loves and showing his love to me. What more can I ask for?

He loves his sisters. Loves everyone around him!

We realized he is more expressive verbally nowadays too! That is probably the aid of the speech and drama classes that he has been attending beginning of this year.

B, at 4 years old aspires to be a chef and also a pilot. Let's see how long these 2 ambitions lasts for him.

Our M,

No doubts about it, she is apple of our eyes. 

All of us surround her daily, as she has such a cheerful nature just like B when he was this young (He still is now!).

She is another motor mouth in the making. She coo day and night, and during her milk feeds too! Haha...

Bliss, is surrounded by all my three darlings, basking in their laughter and nonsense (at times).

No, I ain't complaining. I LOVE such moments!

Dumbo the Babysitter

What do I do when I'm left alone with M?

I threw her a Dumbo plushie to keep her entertained. This works for 36 minutes, good enough!

Get The Right Attitude

For friends who are closer to me, they know E has been diligent, consistent and also a very motivated child. She never fails to be my pride and joy. This leads to complacency in both of us and gradually, I took her sensibility for granted.

Beginning of this year, I see a change in her behavior and sipping in a very negative learning attitude towards her academic work. I got very upset with this fact, and my constant dressing down, drifted us apart.

Things did not improve after M's arrival. With the new bundle, I was too pre-occupied to monitor and guide her through her studies effectively. Instead, the devil overrules and I begun threatening her how I can be nasty if she did not improve her attitude in learning and prove to me that she is putting in effort in her school work; of which I told her is her RESPONSIBILITY.

Of course, there is NO improvement at all after all the threatening. I withdrew all her privileges that I generously showered her with too. This is the worst a Mom can do. I tell you, I walked a wrong path.

Just two days ago, I randomly picked up a book from her bag wanting to see how she has been faring in school. I ended up pulling out of the bed at 10.30pm, ignoring the fact that she has to wake up at 6am the next day. Took out the cane and started lashing at her.

Monster is officially making it's guest appearance again.

I flung her book, hauled at her for failing to let me sign tests that are not very well done etc. She sat there wailing and hiding from the spanks. Both heartbroken, I told her I will visit the school and speak to her teachers the next day.

She kneel and begged me not to do it. She will change for the better. Nothing goes into me. I told her, I want to hear nothing more, I will go to school the next day.

Weeping and wiping away her tears as she went up to the room. Alone in the kitchen, I too, was weeping silently as the heartache is too much to bear.

That night, she cried to sleep. On the other hand, I tossed and turned the whole night.

Hubs sent her to school as usual. I hated the dead peace that morning. Her usual morning greetings, usual hugs and kissing goodbye to her siblings and me were not there. No words exchanged, no glances exchanged. She simply went to school with that cried-swollen eyes.

Picking up my phone, I SMS-ed her form teacher making an appointment with him to talk about E.

"I am very shocked that you need to talk to me about this girl! She is a very respectful, meticulous, diligent, consistent...." and he went on with all the positive description of my Ethyl I knew from birth to 7yo.

Since her problem is not in school, it is home where all these happens, I need to reflect.

Hubby and I had a chat about this. He has always played a more passive role in parenting, however I really needed his presence to render me the moral support as a spouse and a father to our children this time. I need the courage to move on.

This is a very harsh reality to me. My daughter, I was once so proud of her has turned into a monster too.

We brought her out on a coffee session last evening. I had to prompt her to talk. I need to know why she feels unhappy and why she has become defiant, abusive (physical and verbal) with her brother, rude and started lying to get attention.

"I don't know" covered most of her answers in the beginning.

And so I asked "Tell me, do you feel that we always scold you these days?" "yes" She replied.

"Have you wondered why? Did you ask yourself if you did something that is not too right that made us scold you?"

"No"

"Why not? There has to be a reason right?"

Silence.

I know such conversations won't hold too long. I told her how I felt as a mom.

I have always been proud of her being sensible, understanding, appreciative and loving. You name it! I told her from 2012, I no longer know how to feel proud of her. From her latching on for breast milk, to her taking cereals, porridge, solids, diaper-less etc, all these are proud mommy moments. They may be insignificant to many, those are moments I know my daughter is thriving under my care.

Her achievements last year, winning gold medals, attaining the highest English achiever award for her level etc. These are also proud mommy moments. How about this year?

Leaving achievements aside. She said we do not love her as much. I asked her, how does she feel when she did not get enough sleep? She replied she will be cranky and grouchy.

Bento making for her to some friends seems like my hobby. No. I do not really classify that as a hobby. I take that as a Mommy's duty.

I asked her, how many friends who bring lunch boxes gets theirs decorated. NONE!

Already sleep deprived, with a pregnancy that was not too easy, and having to take on graveyard shift for feeding, I still made a point to make her bento for her field trips. Even though it is no longer a daily affair, I still try to make her happy with an occasional bento to make her day brighter.

These are all efforts and love for her. I was terribly heartbroken to hear her telling me she didn't feel the love.

We can't weigh love on a balance. I told her I tried to do as much as I can for all my children. No one has a smaller share. All I want are happy kids. Academic results do matter, but their attitude matters much more. If a piece of work that came back full marks and all I get is a proud arrogant child showing off, I'd be worried. On the other hand, if the child came back telling me he/she has put their best foot forward and will try to do better the next time, and learn from mistakes, I will be so proud of him/her.

After the session, we concluded that we will spend more time with her, she will also do what she ought to do.

18 April 2012, a brand new start for all of us. Three things she needs to do:

1. Change her attitude towards learning and life

2. Be polite towards young and old

3. Take responsibility

I do see her trying to change. So will we. Parenting is really a very challenged journey...no matter how hard, we will have to work things back on track when derailed.

Daddy's Girl

Mikaela has swept us off out feet! The brother and daddy love her so much and really dotes on her.

Especially the Dad, he will tell me how much he misses Mikaela while at work. I never recall he was like that with EB. Probably my memory failed me, he must have loved them as much too!

Nowadays, evenings are reserved for her.

Three is fun!

I'm so loving the fact that we have 3 kids now.

One. Two. Three.

How beautiful.

I know more headache will come along, just allow me to bask in bliss as all three are so loving each other in harmony.

Attention is channelled to the littlest one, leaving very little attention for the middle child and even lesser for the eldest.

It has been a daily self reminder for me and hubs that we ought to spread our love equally (this is almost impossible) do that none of them will feel left out.

Saying is easy. Thinking is equally easy. Doing it is a challenge.

E has been behaving weirdly sometimes. Leaving me very frustrated and unbelievable as she used to be such a loving girl that every non would love having.

A lot of one to one sessions needed with her even until today.

Surprisingly, B is very easy. He has been behaving better eversince Mikaela joined us.

Nonetheless? We still need to give him a fair amount of tender loving care.

No, not ranting here. Just sharing some thoughts about being a mother of three. I know everyone is adjusting to the new member in the household.

Talking about this, I do enjoy bringing my babies out! Not alone for the time being at least!
I'll lose my sanity if I do! Haha!

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

Cost of living is not low in Singapore.

Do a reality check, one pay cheque, 3 children, an executive flat, a car, and enrichment classes don't come affordable.

I will have to go back to work soon.

My mom is still helping me with the caregiving of the lil ones. The lil ones will be in good hands.

Hubs wanted me to rest for a lil longer before I head back to work. However, knowing that there are some issues with me staying home minding the kids with mom around, there will be more issues.

Final decision, I will be back to work. I guess it is an arrangement best for everyone.

Beautiful, she is...

Months ago, I almost made a decision that will make me regret for my entire lifetime.

Today, embracing my beautiful youngest born, seeing how beautiful a creation she is, I told hubs "I'm glad I didn't make a wrong decision."

She is vulnerable and tiny for now. Soon, she will be filling up those lovely clothes I bought her.

We love her...so naturally!

Love naturally...

Jiejie is protective, korkor is possessive.

That is how the two older ones behave towards their baby sister.

They love her. I am not complaining yet...

Here is what Ethylyn took this morning! :D

Our Beautiful Blessings

Slowly...reality sets in

Off goes the soft feeding tube.
Off goes the drip.
Off with the course of antibiotics.
Off goes NICU.

Slowly but surely, she will be like any other full term baby, coming home to us.

As the day goes, I love her much more. I miss her so much. My spirit and flesh is weak, I yearn for her in my arms.

Cuddling is such a simple action but it is such a precious moment for us.

Tears, I fought back. I promised not to worry the man and children. As a mother, I can only sit here thinking and missing my NB as I typed this entry.

"It won't be too long before Mikaela will be in our arms" Hubs consoled.

Indeed, but it's a love and pinning from a mommy's perspective. How much does the daddy knows?

Number Chase Starts Again!

Years ago when I had both Ethylyn and Brayden, I know I will want to breast-feed.

It's so natural in me as I know this is part of motherhood and a natural responsibility that mother nature endows us mommy with, why should I not do it?

This time, nursing a preemie had a whole new meaning.

I knew someone from Facebook who has an experience with preemie and selflessly shared her experience with me on her 32 week-old preemie. She motivates me and gave me lots of confidence. I tell myself I got to be positive and brave to face this situation. Only myself can set an example to my children and show them what a mommy can do for their lil ones in different situations faced.

The recovery of c-section is slow. I told myself, "mind over body" I must have the determination to nurse Mikaela, as colostrum is something so precious.

I started expressing only on day 2. It was like a mere syringe of 1.5ml. How pathetic on my first try. I was not disheartened. I pumped again...

It was slightly better in my second try. More than 1.5ml but lesser than 2ml.

Yet again, I am not giving up! The wound is still hurting, I decided to rest well so I can get on with my breastfeeding the next day.

"I will do it 3 hourly!" I encouraged myself. It means lesser sleep as rest, but here I am, doing my mommy's duty every 3 hourly.

Nope! It is not tough. This requires some getting used to. No big deal.

Pump! Pump! Pump!

Now that after a day's effort, I see an increase close to 30ml in a day's effort really boosted my morale!

When the nurse came and said Mikaela finished the EBM which was more than what the peads suggested, I was thrilled! All the effort is worth while!

My only wish is that she will be well and come back home to us soon.

Decision Made Right!

On Saturday, 4 February 2012 I made a decision to bring forward my visit to my ever so caring OBGYN.

Her call to me on Friday to check on the discomfort of the scar tenderness and reassurance gave me a lot of comfort.

The constant discomfort, sleepless nights and a nagging thought, I decided I shall just pop by to the clinic.

Chatted with Dr Choo about my predicament, followed by a sonogram that revealed that the dehiscing of my scar is pretty obvious. We discussed and weighed the risks factors involved and decided to take the steroid jabs to enhance the lung development of missy as she will be likely born a preemie.

We did the CTG that did not pick up any fetal distress or some sort. That was a relieve.

Sharing the news with our family is the next thing to do. We had lots of encouragement and understanding from most. Old folks were not understanding of the situation and passed caustic remarks, I'm really disheartened.

However it is, Hubs is still very encouraging. The steroid jabs does hurt, but it's something superficial comparing to the well-being of lil missy.

"the consequence can be catastrophic"

What Dr Choo said kept replaying in my ears. My maternal instinct tells me "wait no more".

I brought forward my visit again. I went to see Dr Choo on Monday. We did the necessary scan, CTG and had a discussion again. I told her my decision and we decided "let's not wait for things to happen!"

The next few hours happened in a flash. The next thing I knew, I checked into TMC and was ready for C-section.

What happened no longer matter. She is safe and healthy. We made a right decision.

When both Peads and Dr Choo visited, they said we made the right decision. She could see Missy's hair against the thin lining when she cut open my abdomen.

She is a preemie. Albeit a healthy lil one. Doing fine and well...

So When?

It's like a very common question everyone who sees my elephantine physique will ask.

As much as I'd love to share a date with all, I can't as this is dependent on lil Missy.

The last check up with our OBGYN reveals my scar is dihiscing, hence the discomfort and pain that bothers me so much.

Currently at 34 weeks of gestatation, I am challenged with plenty of aches, pains and soreness. The one that disturbs me most is the tenderness felt at the old scar. From the sonogram yesterday, it seems like the lining is now very thin. We are trying to hold Missy in as long as we can (at most probably 2 weeks) or when she reaches at least 2300g to 2500g (i.e. if I can hold her in this long).

The whole household is full of anticipation for lil Missy's arrival. Their excitement somehow affects me quite a fair bit.

back to the favourite question, "When will it be?"

Simple Bento for Thursday!

Age is really catching up, it is a fact that I can't deny. This pregnancy is quite a tough one for me as I am carrying a huge bump all over the places and with my previous slip disc issue, things simply didn't help.

However, the joy of seeing that smile the kids wear upon seeing my bento gives me the strength to carry on what I am doing. Not forgetting my promise to Hubs, I will go slower, giving discounted time spent in the kitchen trying to toil my very limited creative cells to come up with some better looking bento.

Here, I present one of the rare bento I prepared for Brayden!

He is a very simple boy who is easily satisfied so long he has his favorite bread and cheese. He woke up at 6-ish this morning just to remind me and make sure I did not leave out his share.

Here, we created this together. He told me what he wanted, passed me the molds and *drum roll* here is his simple bento filled with love!

Not forgetting his hugs and kisses. He actually thanked me for making this. :)



Ethyl on the other hand gets her regular bento to school.

There are seldom complains of what I had packed for her in the box. There was this day that my tum hurts so much in the morning that I had to give bento-making a miss, she skipped her recess totally! I was a lil sad.

She came back home and devoured a big bowl of noodles after school. It goes to show she was so hungry. Yet without bento, she had no appetite and did not know what to eat during recess!

Even though I tried to make bento for her, I still have to remind her that our lil missy is coming soon; and with the new addition, I will be really hands-tied that she may have to eat in school more often.

My usual sensible girl said she understands albeit it takes a while for her to adjust. Time shall be given. She will adapt to this change I am sure.

9 January 2012 - Zoo theme

Inspired by zoo themed bento, I tried my hands on a small scale project. Thanks to the molds and food picks that I have bought that made this look a little less boring.

It took me 15 minutes to get a 5-minute task done, that is what happens when the brain is malfunctioning in the early morning.

Prepared the egg mayo late last night before using them this morning. Really save me a great deal of time I need this morning and I can laze on the bed for another 10 minutes before getting my fat ass off the cosy bed!

5 January 2012

Last bento for week one of school!

As promised, I will take a bento-break on every Friday as I had to prepare 2 bento each for both the Husband & Daughter.

When I picked her up, she told me she shared her recess bento with a few friends. Such small serving and she shared with friends? I was concerned.

"Mom, they said the bento looks cute and wanted to try."

Oh well, knowing that she is willing to share, and didn't starve herself makes me feel good as there are other children who likes my bento too!



Lunch is simple. They have long Thurdays hence I prepared lunch bento for her as well.

Keeping them in an insulated bag keeps the food warm till 12pm. She enjoyed her meals and does look forward to having more.

The sleep debt I and slowly crediting seems worthwhile :)

4 January 2012

Challenging task to me it is when it comes to making breakfast bento. I will be struggling with ideas and what food to prepare for the next day!

Didn't want Ethyl to be overloaded with sandwiches, but that seems like a staple for breakfast bento isn't it? Taking into consideration of the time constraint, and for the fact that I am in my last trimester, energy level is greatly compromised. "Do things within your means" keeps ringing in my ears. The Hubs is not too pleased with me making bento for both the daughter and himself. In this case, I must learn to balance rest, so that he does not worry too much about me.

Giving Ethyl a great deal of variety seems rather impossible as she is a fussy eater too. Ham & Cheese is her all-time favorite that won't go wrong!

3 January 2012

After a long break from the December school break, I am finally resuming my bento-making sessions!

The difference this time round is Ethyl will be in the morning session, and my day starts as early as 4.50am (or even earlier) when I had to prepare her lunch bento as well.


Rilakkuma wanabe ends up looking odd with my generous cocoa powder added!



Brayden also had his bento for the start of the new school year. His favorite Thomas and Friends accompanied him to school!

Waking up early in the morning to prepare bento is really quite an adjustment for me to make. As I will have to sleep after the kids do. Rest is never enough. No, I am not complaining though, I am enjoying making something for my loved ones to make a great start to their day!